I love this little boy so much. I am so grateful that he was sent to me and Will, and that we get to be his parents. In his (almost) four short months on this earth, he has taught me so much and I am learning what a sweet, unique spirit he has. By getting to be Marshall's mom, I personally have grown in love, patience, kindness, humility and probably many other things. I would do anything for this child - and I finally understand more about God's love for his children. Marshall's pain is my pain - and I would do anything to make him happy (and currently I often do ridiculous things to get him to laugh). It both breaks my heart and makes me incredibly happy to see him change daily and learn new things. He is getting so big - and its exciting(!) but sad because time is going way too fast. He's turning into a little boy, and its hard to see him as a little baby anymore. He is so mobile now, and I know he'll be crawling early. It hurts my heart that he is teething and has such pain sometimes - but overall, he is such a sweet, happy, content baby. He smiles constantly and is so happy just to lay on the floor and kick his legs and "talk" away. I worry a lot if I am doing enough for him - like "Am I reading him enough books? Should I be playing him classical music? Does he get enough tummy time? Should he be sleeping more or less? Why is he rolling over in his crib? Is he breathing?" Its a constant worry - but I am relieved to know that he is overall a very happy and healthy baby. Marshall has a very sensitive personality, and I am learning to cater to his sensitive needs. He is very aware of tension and anger and general discontent in the room and people around him. He startles easily and he gets scared and cries during loud noises (like cheering crowds). He needs to be swaddled and cuddled in order to fall sleep. If he is just mostly asleep and you put him down in his crib - he will wake all the way up until you rock him all the way back to sleep THEN lay him down (when six months rolls around, we are going to try to break this habit - but for now, I love it). Marshall LOVES bath time and looking at himself in the mirror. If he is ever upset, holding him while looking in the mirror will inspire an immediate smile and an adorable head-bury into your chest, then he'll peek out at the mirror and smile again. Marshall is a very sweet, sensitive child with very specific needs - and I am learning more about him everyday, and this brings me great joy. Not every moment is pure bliss - sometimes its just plain hard. I would prefer not to work away from the home 40 hours a week and I look forward to when I will stay home with my children (or maybe just work part-time), but ultimately I'm very grateful for my position in life and for the time I do have with my son. I appreciate the words of the Prophet and Apostles of the Church and specifically for Elder Holland's talk on Motherhood - and the way it reassures my ever-worried mind.
"I know deep down inside that I am doing God's work. I know that my motherhood is an eternal partnership with Him .... There is nothing more important in this world than participating so directly in the work and glory of God."
I am so grateful for eternal families. I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who was kind enough to send Will and me one of his children. I am eternally grateful for the gift of motherhood and the opportunities it has afforded me to learn and grow. I hope to savor each and every moment I have with my little baby boy, until he is too big to want to be cuddled or rocked to sleep. I am grateful for Marshall and the joy he brings me.
